I can easily say that October has been one of the hardest months of my life. And it’s not over yet. But seeing as this month is coming to an end, I have made it my mission to fall in love with Paris, again.

I came here with my mother, when I was in second grade. If she’s reading this, she’ll think to scan some of the pictures from that photo album and send them to me. But she’s pretty busy preparing for her upcoming trip to Paris.

I remember my first attempt at packing for the trip. I put everything “French” into a purse, and called it a day. My mother’s Chanel perfume, a picture book about Edgar Degas the little ballerina sculpture, and a tourist video about Paris. I had yet to discover the allure of Paris, and remember thinking that it was a lot like New York City with all the noise and bustle. Obviously, I didn’t really know that much about New York City either.

I returned when I was 17 for a summer program called The Experiment in International Living. The program focused on art and travel in Provence, though we spent the first five days in Paris.

And I fell in love. It was a city that felt so natural to me, almost like it was home. Once the program ended, I couldn’t wait to go back. I chose a college that offered a yearlong study in Paris, and pursued French language classes upon arrival. I always looked forward to my junior year in Paris, though it was always so intangible and in the future.

And now I’ve been here for almost two months. And it hasn’t all been fun and games. In fact, I think it’s been the hardest time of my life. It’s one thing to be on vacation in Paris… it’s another thing to have to adapt to the French way of life. Everything that normal college students must deal with: classes, homesickness, grades, papers, getting to school, etc. Except in a different language. In a different culture. Without seeing your parents. I don’t see my parents that often when I’m in at college in the states, but there’s something comforting about knowing they’re only four hours away. And if I needed to, I could just drive home.

Here, it’s not so easy. I grew up in the suburbs, went to boarding school, and currently attend a small liberal arts college in a very rural town. I’ve always wanted to live in a city– particularly, Paris– but I never thought about the consequences that would go along with that. I can’t just roll out of bed and walk 5 minutes to class. I have to leave 40 minutes ahead of time, factoring in the time it takes to walk to the metro, take the metro, and walk to class. When I have an 8 AM class that’s 35 minutes away, the last thing I want to do on Monday morning is wake up at 7, when it’s still dark out. To top it off, the French school system is completely different, and it’s incredibly difficult to understand anything that the professors say. With the exception of my Hinduism professor, who talks very slowly, everyone talks incredibly fast. It can be incredibly alienating, at times.

And then to trek back home at the end of the day to a living situation I’m not 100% comfortable in… well, that can be hard.

But I’m not asking for sympathy. Because I can’t spend the rest of my time here thinking about how hard it is. It’s been a rough month, yes. But I’m getting used to it, and knowing me, I’ll be hitting myself next June for not taking advantage of this amazing opportunity I have right in front of me.

Today, I couldn’t help thinking of this video short from Paris, je t’aime, one of my favorite movies. I had no plans for my Friday afternoon, and decided to explore Paris. It’s the beginning of vacation, so a lot of my friends are preparing to depart for various European capitals, myself included– I’ll be leaving for Bologna, Italy, on Wednesday– though that means there’s not a lot of people around this weekend.

But it was a beautiful day, and I knew it would be a waste to go back to the apartment. One of the things that I do love about Paris is that it’s perfectly okay to be seen doing things by yourself. Eating in restaurants, drinking at cafés, walking in the gardens.

And that’s just what I did. I strolled through the Jardin du Luxembourg, I took lunch at a very interesting café near one of the Paris universities. It’s a hard atmoshere to describe, but I think you’ll get the picture when I say that they offered gluten-free cookies at the counter and organic ice cream. The man behind the cash register, whom I think was the owner, was a real “live-wire” and so friendly and welcoming, taking the time to explain how everything worked to me with big hand gestures and a huge smile.

Afterwards, I strolled through the 7th arrondissement. I love how each arrondissement has a different flavor, almost. The 7th is beautiful. Next stop, the 14th, for tea and a slice of chocolate cake with the program director at a Café Associatif, a restaurant/hang-out where people can volunteer to work. They also offer daily activities and workshops. It’s sort of like a community center that offers food. It so reminded me of the café that I work at on my college campus, and I hope to pursue a volunteer opportunity at this café, since I think that will be a good source of familiarity for me in the upcoming months.

As I strolled toward the dome of the Palais des Invalides, gleaming in the sunlight, I couldn’t help thinking– much like the woman in the video– that I was falling in love with Paris, all over again. Someone recently suggested I think of this period as a growth experience (I won’t include the adjective used, though it accurately described my sentiments for the past few weeks).

Life’s not always easy, and there are often things that happen that we don’t expect, or don’t count on– my father reminded me of that this morning. But ultimately, these experiences change us for the better, and we’ll find ourselves glad–even thankful– for these times of hardship. I’m not sure mine is completely over (and I used the term hardship relatively, as there are so many people in situations 1000 times worse than my own), but I know that it won’t last forever.

And whenever times get hard, maybe all I need to do is take a walk. And I’ll fall in love with Paris all over again.